Evening Hosts Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

TV's top entertainers spent the evening mocking former President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration program, called the "Trump card," describing it as a blatant pay-for-access arrangement for the rich.

Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "The President ... spoils everything he touches."

The subject was the controversial initiative which permits foreign individuals to acquire U.S. residence for an investment of a million dollars, or "premium" option for 5 million. The program's portal promises processing "in record time."

"One note here to rich foreigners: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the scheme is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, with significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The best background check the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining poll ratings amid financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking right-leaning media defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.